I Am
by satsuki kitsune
Summary: This is just a little ficlet starring Heero and his angsty, suicidal thoughts... What really drives him to press the self-destruct button? Find out in this little prelude to my other fic, Silence and the Soldier. ja!


Title: I Am

Title: **I Am**  
Author: Satsuki Kitsune   
Category: angst  
Rating: PG… I guess there's blood…   
Pairings: none mentioned.   
Warnings: not much, really… just blood, person wanting to die, angst… you know the drill…  
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. I don't make any money, I swear!!!  
Feedback: Any and all comments and feedback is welcome!!! Please??  
Notes: alright… this is just a side-story or prequel, is you will, to my other fic, Silence and the Soldier. I just got bored with what I was doing and decided to write something different… and here it is. 

I am Heero Yuy. Everyone wants me, but for different reasons. As I run, I remember that my own name is merely stolen, from some political martyr who fought the never-ending battle for peace. And lost. I have no right to call myself the righteous name, but I must. It is my code name for the mission, to carry out Operation Meteor. Deep inside I believe that I am staining the name with my blood. _It is my blood, but not my peace. _

My stolen code name means different things for many people. The colonies: a name with the shield of peace that war broke and dominated. OZ: the legacy of people who dared to oppose their and the Alliance's powerful tyranny upon the colonies. And to the Gundam pilots: a fellow pilot who never wanted or needed their help, a machine-like human with no emotions. _This is me._

Life is war. War is life. The endless cycle of life floods through my head. Have I known anything else? With adrenaline pumping through my veins I sprint through the alleys and faceless streets, my opponent hot on my heels. I can feel its icy breath upon my body and I shiver, from a strange tingle at the back of my neck. _Why was I so cold? _

__The cold invades my inhuman senses as I realize that I am not running at all. I stand, high on the platform of my open cockpit. The temperature radiates from my head to my clammy fingers, clutching the self-destruction device. I hold it, pondering what I am about to do. I am about to end my life of suffering, pain, and dedication to only one cause: war. _I **was** doing the right thing, wasn't I? _

The breeze ruffled my short, boyish dark brown hair. I stood there, emotionless as always, about to commit suicide for my cause. _I could **not** let OZ get my Gundam…_ I would never surrender myself to them, or my mobile suit. _Death first_, I thought. Deep inside my cockpit, I could hear the voices of my partners, no, _adversaries_, try to reach my dead connection. I had closed it off to the outside world as I stepped out and into my fate. 

All through my years, I have had no other life than a soldier's. I can't remember anything before the insane Dr. J, who trained me from when I was very young. I was subjected to every kind of torture imaginable every single week, and the next I would start all over. Before the age of eight, I had lost every bit of my humanity. I forgot how to cry, feel sadness or anger, and even pain was a foreign feeling to me, for I had learned to block it from my mind. _My haunted, cursed mind of a soldier. _

__Reverting back to the present, I brought up the self-destruction device slowly. I stared at it impassively, welcoming and wondering what it would bring. In living, I have always wished to leave this pain-filled world and escape to something hopefully better. I suppressed the urge to let emotion play on my face as I realized exactly why I was so cold. The bitter pain and bliss of death flowed through my body as I realized how close to it I really was. _Just a little closer…_

_Mission Accepted, _I said, more to myself than anyone. I was done. No more fighting, not more wars, just peaceful oblivion. The force of the explosion obliterated my mobile suit as I was thrown to the ground along with shards from the Gundam. 

Am I dead now? Is this what it means…? To be lying, broken and bleeding on the ground? My dark Prussian eyes dulled over as I stared into nothingness, blood pooling around my head. _Is everything alright now?_

-end-

Author's Note: awww…. *straightens up* anyways… please review and tell me what you think. I know it was really short, but its just a short little prelude to S&S. And, for those who are wondering, the next part of S&S will be up really soon… ja ne!! ^_~


End file.
